Dear Ashton,

18 months here on this earth with us doesn't seem possible. I can still picture myself in that emergency room on the broken bed when you were a mere five weeks gestation, grieving you in horror and disbelief. Then a week later I sat in a different hospital bed celebrating your life and the mistaken miscarriage. The memory of seeing your dark, hairy head for the first time is even more palatable. Now, at 18 months old, I can barely reconcile all those early memories with the present ones. You, running barefoot across the grass after your big brother, trying to reach the swing set. You, pointing and grunting in frustration and anger, mimicking my actions. You, shoveling spoonful after spoonful of food into your mouth. You, sleeping soundly in your crib on your stomach, butt high in the air and arms tucked under you, grasping your blankie. You, giggling and signing and saying, "more." You always want more. I want more, too. I want more of you. I simply cannot get enough of you. I love you so unbelievably much I sometimes don't know what to do with it. So I just kiss you and squeeze you and kiss you some more.

At 18 months you weigh 22 1/2 pounds and are 31 inches tall. I'm told you are a little peanut in the 10 percentile for your age. You seem just right to me, though. You no longer walk; you run. You say so many words that I've lost count. You still love to be carried around and need to be near one of us -- your mommy, daddy or big brother. You keep growing and learning and changing so fast. I just want to hit pause so I can drink in every last ounce of you at this age and savor it. Before I know it you'll be in preschool and I'll have large chunks of time away from you. But for now you are still my baby, my little sidekick, always with me. And for that I'm so very lucky and grateful.

I love you, Ashton John.

***

Here are Ashton's professional 18 month pictures, taken by one of my bestest friends -- Tara Fravel Photography. Check her out on Facebook.

Along with some brother shots, we also had an impromptu 3 1/2 year old shoot for Spencer since he was uncharacteristically hamming it up for the camera. Come his actual 4 year old shoot in August, he'll be back to his stone-faced, uncooperative self, I'm sure.